Resources

Feb2You Can’t Hide Your Dirty Secrets From the iTunes Genius
Paula

I’m not the most tech savvy person.  Every time I manage to put up a blog post I feel like a sorceress.  So it was a pretty big deal when I decided to turn on the itunes genius* feature for the first time yesterday.  I mean, with the amount of apprehension this caused me you’d think I was actually cloning my kid with a kit I bought off of Craig’s List.  As it turns out, I was right to be scared.  This is what “The Genius” came up with for me. . .

The Theory of Relativity, a bitchin’ mix featuring Wings and ELO, is there anything this genius can’t do?

GENIUS MIX #1: Musicals, OR You Are Actually a Gay Man

FEATURING: Pippin, West Side Story, The Cast of Glee, Wicked, and Rent

This would explain why I went 525,600 minutes without a single date in high school.  While I do LOVE a good musical I’ve come a long way since I cried through an entire pack of tissues the first time I saw Rent.  My husband knew I was a big fan, so he took me to see one of the final performances on Broadway when I was eight and a half months pregnant.  I brought an entire box of tissues expecting a huge hormonal sob fest.  But instead of crying through the gut-wretching gospel number I’ll Cover You. . . I was all “SERIOUSLY LOSERS!  THIS MAN HAS A MORTAGE!  Do you even KNOW what that means?????  Get off your asses and get jobs!  Stop all of this singing and pay him some damn rent!” I guess my tolerance for East Village bohemians was lower as an expectant mother in my mid-thirties.

GENIUS MIX #2: ADULT ALTERNATIVE, OR You Seem Kind of Angry and Depressed

FEATURING Liz Phair, Amy Mann, Jeff Buckley, Ray La Montagne and Beth Orton

I could probably give this mix to my daughter on her 16th birthday with a simple warning – “don’t let this happen to you.”  But where would the fun be in that?  I still remember the first time I heard Jeff Buckley’s GRACE.  I thought it was THE most perfect music ever.  Too bad he decided to go swimming in the Mississippi River with all of his clothes on and drowned.  He was totally my type!  But then I discovered Ray La Montagne who quit his job at a shoe factory to move to a cabin in Vermont to ignore society, grow a massive beard and write depressing songs.  So sexy!  And as for Liz Phair, isn’t getting exiled from guyville what your twenties are supposed to be about?  So as much as it pains me to see my formative years boiled down to an “adult alternative,” I just don’t think I would have had it any other way.

GENIUS MIX #3:  SOFT ROCK MIX, OR You Should Put On a Chunky Necklace and a Tunic From Eileen Fisher

FEATURING:  Paul McCartney and Wings, Elton John, ELO, Kenny Loggins, and Fleetwood Mac

It’s possible I’m listening to this mix right now. . . I’ll leave you guessing about the chunky jewelry.  I know the Beatles are really great and everything, but I have a soft spot for WINGS.  I had kind of forgotten about this until The Genius remembered it for me.  I’m seriously starting to warm up to The Genius now.  I’m starting to get excited about what other musical secrets it’s going to uncover.  Maybe a Rod Stewart song I haven’t listened to in years?  And I’m pretty sure I had a Bad Finger CD somewhere.  I’m completely okay with the fact that The Genius is basically telling me that I have the tastes of a 63-year old woman.  Maybe I should slip into some palazzo pants and rent IT’S COMPLICATED on demand tonight!

GENIUS MIX #4 POP MIX, OR You Are So Not Twelve.  Seriously, What’s Wrong With You?

FEATURING Kelly Clarkson, Justin Timberlake, Katy Perry, Britney Spears and the Jonas Brothers.

Just as I was all “Wow!  Second Hand News! Look at my extensive collection of classic rock!”  I was hit with the jingly beat of the f-ing Jonas brothers.  Apparently at one point I thought it was a great idea to download BURNIN’ UP.  I’d be lying if I said I regret it.  It’s not a terrible song.  Especially when it’s followed up with Senorita, Carilfornia Gurls, and Breakaway.  I’m feeling more youthful just writing this.  Seriously.  I am in AWE of the power of the genius.  Screw IT’S COMPLICATED.  Has anyone seen my DVD of Blue Crush??

* If you were wondering, no one from apple/itunes etc. etc. asked me to do this.  But seriously, if apple wanted to give me a job they could totally call me.  Because as you can see based on this post, it’s possible I have too much time on my hands.

Filed Under: Entertainment, Life Lessons, Motherhood: Fun?, Resources
Tags: ,


7 Comments

 
Jan20Secret Identity Interiors
Tonya

Being a mom + blogger + writer = spending inordinate amounts of time in the confines of home base (it also = no income, but that’s a different post). And recently with all of the snow and ice this means even MORE time indoors. I’m not quite at the point where the walls are closing in or I’m imagining tiny little people talking to me….except, the butler in the bathroom, he’s totally real…But I am getting very VERY tired of the furniture that exists in my small space so I find myself constantly hunting for new stuff.

I’ve moved on from the typical types and usual sites. I want superhero-style decor! You know, it does one thing but then you take away its glasses and put on the cape and its something else entirely! As Carrie pointed out in a previous post, our friend Erin recently found a couch that turns into a desk.

My ideal piece would be a couch, a desk, a treadmill, and a bed all in one (but then my full-on food fantasy is broccoli that tastes like cupcakes), I haven’t been able to find this exact item but I’ve found a few contenders:

It’s a couch! NO, it’s a bed! Yay!

I’m sure this is super pricey but should you decide to dabble in meth dealing to support the new décor habit you precisely where to hide the drugs…and the hookers! Now you see it…now you don’t!

It’s a Chair! NO, it’s a toy! Yippeee!

With this furniture, the kid can literally take the apartment apart, AND when he’s done, put it all back together again! Of course, when he does it at grandma’s he’ll get a quick lesson in impermanence.

Is it a chair or a package? You decide!

Now, should you kill your spouse because he asked one too many times where you keep the damn baby wipes you have an excuse: you went postal! Acquitted!

Filed Under: ad hoc CHIC, Resources
Tags: , ,


8 Comments

 
Jan14The ad hoc MOM Work-at-Home Quick Start Guide
Carrie

I feel very lucky to be in a field where working at home is a viable option. But don’t be fooled: it’s not all fuzzy slippers and long sips of Taster’s Choice.  You’ve heard the complaints here before: interruptions, unpredictable hours (and therefore unpredictable paychecks), isolation and that nagging feeling that nobody really believes you actually work, work. You know WORK, not “work.”

If you’re thinking of making a go of setting up your office at home, don’t do it until you’ve read our Work at Home Quick Start Guide: 5 Simple Steps to a Satisfying, Self-Sufficent, Stylish, Small, Southern, Steamy, Subjective, Sedentary and Sassy Stay-at-Home Stint.

1. Get Thee a Desk
No room? No problem! Our friend Erin, who somehow knows everything about any and all merchandise sold over the worldwide interwebs, sent us this info on a bed that can turn into a desk. My only complaint is that I wish it came in a crib version. As in, it could start as a crib, convert to a toddler bed, convert to a regular size bed and then convert into a desk. I want my son’s transition into the work world to be as seamless as possible. I’d actually prefer it if he didn’t have a clear memory of when he wasn’t working. Less learnin’ more earnin’ is our family motto. At least it is now. I digress…

2. Get Thee a Logo
Take the nearest pen, apply to nearest napkin. Make yourself a logo. Congratulations–now you can blame unpopular decisions on a corporate entity outside of yourself. Better yet–order gym bags emblazoned with your logo and run out the door yelling over your shoulder to no one in particular “I’m hitting the gym, see you after lunch.” Walk to the corner, cry.

3. Get Thee a Decision Tree
My friend Kate (yes KATE. All of my friends are named Kate and they are all great. Thank you Kate!) sent me a link to a very useful decision tree called “Should I Work For Free?” and it’s a must read if you ever hope to make one red cent in this doggone town. It was done by a fabulous designer named Jessica Hische who, judging by her website, is so immensely talented that I can’t imagine who would have the chutzpah to ask her to work for free. Would you walk into say, Tiffany, splay your fingers out on the display case and tell the lady standing before you with mouth agape: “I have an incredible opportunity for you: I’m going to let you put one of those diamonds on one of these beautiful fingers. In return, I’ll tell everyone just where I got this diamond. And before you say “Thank You,” I just want to say “You’re Welcome.”

4. Get Thee a Visor
You know those green visors that old-timey accountants and grumpy dealers in border town casinos wore? Get one of those and wear it while you work. It’s helpful for your family to know when you are really working, as opposed to just Facebooking and whatnot. Also, when the UPS man comes to the door and sees you in that visor, he’ll get the picture real fast and will think twice before making you the g-d default package signer for the whole block as if you have nothing better to do than use a weird stubby fake pen to scrawl your “signature” and pretend that you and he both understand what just happened right there on that mini screen.

5. Get Thee Blinders
If wearing the green visor gives the signal you that you are WORKING, working, WORKING, wearing these horse blinders will send a clear signal: Do not try to distract me from the task at hand or I might completely lose my wits and abandon control of my limbs. Startled by your interruption, my eyes will roll and dart about to no avail. I will only see what’s in front of me and it will be frustrating as all get out, as I’m sure you can understand. From this point on, I take no responsibility for what kind of trouble my heavy, dirty hooves kick up. I told you not to interrupt me. Neigh.

Filed Under: Life Lessons, Motherhood: The Job, Musings, Resources, Work Issues
Tags: , ,


11 Comments

 
Sep15My Inner Psyche Is A Very Strange Place
Tonya

I like looking at the books people have, it can tell you quite a bit about someone, OR, checking the medicine cabinet – also quite useful in figuring folks out. For instance, if an elderly married couple has an S&M book next to a collection of crossword puzzles I tend to infer that they’ve got a pretty damn good marriage, this will be backed up by the viagra in the bathroom.

Anyway, these days with the popularity of the nook/kindle and more people hiding their stash of meds I try and have a peak at their digital pictures. Tonight I had a look at a few of the pics on my own camera, you know the extra ones that don’t include my kid, spouse, friend or family member. I think perhaps I should send these to my therapist and ask if it’s time to up my medication:

I think I took this pic because I was in awe of these shoes. This guy is obviously talented, I’m pretty sure they were whittled from a bar of soap.

This was on the sidewalk outside my house. I can only assume there’s a very hurt young man running around somewhere and I was concerned about finding him.

I like sales. Even when I’m not sure what’s on sale. I must have it! Besides, who doesn’t need what I believe to be a bright orange tiny table? It goes with everything! This is especially great for construction sites and prisons!

I think I needed to sell some gold and also get a teeth cleaning and maybe,I thought, if there was still time, get a new pair of glasses. It’s like a one-stop-shop! Lil John would be in heaven. I wonder if you can sell your gold teeth for vision care?

Ok, I do remember taking this photo. It’s outside of Ikea. There were so many rats running around on those rocks but apparently they have some sort of invisibility shield or rat cloaking technology that goes into effect when an iphone is produced. Creepy bastards.

Filed Under: Resources
Tags: , ,


2 Comments

 
Sep6This Fall I’m Taking Things Bird By Bird
Paula

Before I was a mother, I used to welcome the arrival of fall with wide-open arms.  I wasn’t a big fan of summer.  I much preferred chilly days, sweaters & raincoats and indoor activities to 90-degree days, air conditioning and sweat.  But now that I am responsible for a small person who needs to burn off energy on a regular basis – and ideally in a wide-open space, I seriously fear the end of summer.  Life with a 2.5 year old is much easier when you can spend your days doing any number of things outside, and you are free from the hell of tiny mittens, boots, and that pesky rain cover.  The weather is perfect right now, but I know my days are numbered and I’m already dreading the long winter ahead.

I’m depending on these birds to get me through the winter with my mind intact.  Are they up to the task?

I’ve been reading lots of books on writing lately, looking for new inspiration, tips, etc., and I reread Anne Lamott’s fantastic Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, if you haven’t read it, it’s a really helpful book.  Anyway, when her brother was ten, he did that classic thing where he put off writing a massive report on birds.  He had three months to do it, but naturally waited until the night before.  Surrounded by books on birds at the kitchen table, in tears, and totally overwhelmed by the massiveness of the task, his dad said to him “Bird by bird, buddy.  Just take it bird by bird.”  I remember loving this story when I first read Bird by Bird years ago, but confess the significance was somewhat lost on me.  Yeah, work was hard sometimes, but I could deal.  Sure, life could be tricky – but there were cocktails.  But now fall is approaching with it’s long dark days that will need to be filled creatively. . . EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Instead of freaking out about the long months ahead, I might just take the “toy by toy” approach, maybe try things “play date by play date.”  I’m also thinking this method might be helpful in other ways too.  We want to paint our living room, but seriously, how do you do that with a two year old running around.  Maybe wall by wall?  Who says a living room has to be painted in a day?  And that stupid storage space that’s sucking the cash right out of my checking account?  Maybe I just empty it box by box?  This idea somehow gives me comfort, that I’ll survive the winter, and my walls will no longer be yellow.  And who knows, maybe I’ll actually get to write a post about how I finally got rid of my stupid storage space?  If I do, Anne Lamott is SO getting a fan letter.

Filed Under: Motherhood: The Job, My Neuroses, Resources, Summer, Worries
Tags: , , , ,


9 Comments

 
« Older

© 2010 ad hoc MOM. All rights reserved. Powered by WordPress. Designed by Carrie Harvey.
Entries (RSS) and Comments (RSS).