As readers may have noticed in the past few weeks, we at ad hoc MOM have taken a break from routine. For me, the break  hasn’t just been from the blog–it’s been from all of my life’s regularly occurring activities. The month of May has been a crazy one for my family–a kid-less trip to Montreal, my husband’s 40th birthday, lots of family visits, our 7th anniversary, Mother’s Day and soon, our youngest son’s first birthday.

The kids have also been keeping us busier than usual: our oldest is no longer taking a nap (horror!!!) and our youngest is transforming into a thrill-seeking toddler. Their entertainment requirements have spiked, resulting in awkward adult/child dance parties, messy craft projects, lego skyscrapers to nowhere and an unsettling parental policy of appeasement doled out via chocolate milk, cookies, and new trucks. It turns out, we do negotiate with terrorists in our house.

With all of the craziness, I have found myself deviating from my normal day-to-day activities: regular blog posts, freelance assignments, coming into the office space, playdates, cleaning, dinner preparing, showering, keeping up with friends and making sure the house has enough baby soap, baby carrots, bananas, juice boxes, wine, garbage bags, toilet paper and laundry detergent to get through the week. After several weeks of unscheduled chaos,  I find myself feeling adrift, and perhaps (despite the festivities galore), a little sad. I realize that without a routine, I am without sanity.

A routine’s best gift comes in the morning when you wake up and can start the day without any existential panic about your life’s meaning. With a routine in place, you can go about your business on auto-pilot–completing tasks and getting stuff done. In the absence of routine, my mind goes to dark places and my body goes to…Ikea. Lowe’s. Home Depot. The Container Store.

Yes, that’s right. Apparently, when the kids aren’t around and I am avoiding productive work like the plague, my eyes dart about my house looking for projects that will take all day and yield minimal life-improving results. To wit: this past Friday. As soon as the babysitter left with both kids, my brain was besieged by a jumble of home improvement “ideas” courtesy of a mind doped up on HGTV and too much coffee:

Put all of the kids’ artwork in frames, rotate them on a weekly basis, just like Genevieve Gorder said to do on Dear Genevieve. Can’t afford a big piece of artwork? Frame lots of little things in discount frames spray-painted the same color just like that weirdo stubby guy told me to do on Design on a Dime. In the event that I have to sell my house (which we have zero plans of doing in the next 10 years), I better damn well get rid of all that clutter in the basement just like Lisa LaPorta would have me do on Designed to Sell. If my block was featured on Curb Appeal the Block, I’ll be damned if my house is picked by John Gidding and his lackeys for a makeover! I gotta get to the nursery and buy some window boxes STAT!

“Take a breath,” the rational part of my brain whispers. “Where are the &*$% are the car keys, Ikea is opening in 15 minutes and all the good parking spots are going to be taken, so you better MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT sister,” the panicked part of my brain screeches.

Thanks to the abandonment of my routines, here’s what I have to show from last week:

1. A net gain of 3 pounds (from eating all of leftover birthday cupcakes.)
2. Three vases of rotting flowers from birthday/mother’s day extravaganzas.
3. My three year old’s favorite new game is called “Iron Man”, since he was allowed to watch anything he could point to on Apple TV. Iron Man Game (™) consists of him getting into an aggressive fighting stance, scrunching up his face in a threatening manner and yelling “Iron Man!” and attacking anyone who comes near him.
4. Six cans of spray paint in Lowe’s bag, placed on kitchen table.
5. Six discount store picture frames shoddily spray painted all different colors, stacked up akimbo in dining room, posing a great threat to anyone who brushes by them.
6. Weird, unpleasant artwork in Ikea purchased frames (which, of course, are already falling apart.)
7. Unwanted baby Gear lined up in front of the house that’s so busted up, nobody will take it. The rain-streaked Free! sign tempts not a soul. The front of my house looks like a garbage dump.
8. Dying window boxes.
9.20 minutes of billed time
10. Zero blog posts.

Sometimes, we all need a break in routine to re-calibrate our brains. But I think it’s important for me to remember how too much of a break from routine is a dangerous place for me to go. So while I am not promising you the world, I submit to you this jumbled up, rambling blog post as my white flag. Deliver me from the chaos of an unorganized day and into the safe arms of an office, a blog and some billable hours. Thanks for waiting.