ad hoc MOM

Jun16Decisions, Decisions….
Tonya

Recently, on FB, I read some inspirational little ditty about “being the sum of one’s experiences” and me, being the kind of gal who hates optimistic musings, I blocked that FB friend because, really, I’m more of a glass is half empty and filled with cyanide sort of person and I hate it when people rain on that parade. Except now I can’t stop imagining myself as some amalgamation of my own decision-making. And from what I remember – there are a lot of hazy moments – it’s mostly poor decision-making. I guess not in a selling-my-body-for-crack-rock sort of way, so there is that, but it’s still questionable:

- There was my gang member boyfriend in high school. And while, yes, I know, teenagers shouldn’t even be allowed to choose breakfast cereal due to their crazed hormonal states, I’m not sure that breaking up with your first boyfriend because he’s doin’ 2-5 in the clink is really the same as letting some jock, playboy get to 3rd base.

- Then there was the clothing-optional, vegetarian co-operative (read: drug fueled hippie commune) I lived at in college. Certainly fun, but probably not the best for my G.P.A., although I was getting 2 art degrees so, really, it’s not as if the extracurricular activities interfered with all of the studying I had to do. Perhaps, though, if I had put down the peace pipe, I would’ve realized that I was most definitely NOT cut out to be a struggling artist. I’m a neurotic, overly-sensitive, germaphobe, who’s most certainly not cut out to live in the trenches, existing solely on the belief that art can change the world.

- And recently, I got rid of cable. It’s true. I thought I’d get more done. I’d finish my Pulitzer-prize winning novel. I’d become a yogi master and a meditation expert. I’d finally read Ulysses all the way through…and get it. The simple stuff, really. But it has quickly become apparent that all is not as it should be. Instead of mornings watching NY1 I now rely on podcasts and the hope that my 3 year old’s mouth will be so full of bagel he won’t be able to make a sound for 3 minutes.

Alas, most morning info sessions now go a little like this:

“Today in Pakistan, officials…” “…need chocolate cake? Because I like chocolate. It is my favorite.” “It has been confirmed that Gabrielle Giffords has been released with…” “…10 dinosaurs. They eat meat. Except for the brachiosaurus he eats plants. I don’t like green stuff so I must be a T-Rex.” “President Obama has…” “…colored on my table. It was an accident. And I colored on my shirt. That was an accident too.”

Also, I realized that without cable my confidence in both myself and my mothering has fallen dramatically. Unable to compare any daily activities to those of Snooki, a RHNJ, or some family desperate for the guidance of Supernanny, I’ve lost my way. How am I supposed to congratulate myself for making it through an entire day without throwing a table across the room or vomiting all over some policeman’s shoes?

At least there is the comfort of knowing there are some things I properly resisted:

The M.C. Hammer Tramp Stamp

Totally a picture of my back side.

The Kickin’ Kid N’ Play haircut

I do look good though. Could be the dope jacket.

The Chance to Rock Bret’s World

Perfect example of the crazy shit that gets created when there is no cable.

One of my best decisions to date has been to join the fabulous ladies over at The Mouthy Housewives! They, on the other hand, may view their decision a little bit differently…

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Filed Under: Life Lessons, Milestones, My Neuroses

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15 Comments

  1. Ken says:
    June 16, 2011 at 7:54 am

    Now I can’t get the image of Barack Obama coloring on the table out of my head. The nerve of that guy!

  2. FranceRants says:
    June 16, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Oh I love this post!! Where do I start? I never envisioned the younger you as the rebellious, bad girl type. Gang-banger? Commune? NO CABLE? Well earned, new found respect.

    But the exact moment where you had me catching my breath? That would be when I got down to the photo of the quintuplet Tonyas surrounding Bret. Thank ja, one of the Tonyas didn’t accidentally slip-ple a nipple, I may have fainted on the spot!!!
    FranceRants recently posted..September 2010 RantMy ComLuv Profile

  3. carrie says:
    June 16, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    i love how you upped your chances by putting in half a dozen tonyas in with bret…

    also, please turn your cable back on. it’s better that way!
    carrie recently posted..Decisions- Decisions…My ComLuv Profile

  4. Paula says:
    June 16, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    I had NO idea you were a sextuplet! How did I NOT know this? Tattoos are expensive. . . I think it’s time to call Cablevision, or Time Warner!
    Paula recently posted..Decisions- Decisions…My ComLuv Profile

  5. KatieTheBlogLady says:
    June 16, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    I don’t think dating a gang banger is a questionable decision! In fact, I think every young teen needs to experience this right of passage. My most fondest teen memories were from when I visited my boo in the pen . . . and from all the excitement I experienced awaiting his next collect call. Unfortunately, he got shanked and that was the end of that. Not to be accusatory, but I’ve always kinda thought my parents set it up. Looking back now though, I’m pretty okay with that.

    P.S. You look pretty hot with a hi-top fade.
    KatieTheBlogLady recently posted..Snoop Dogg Ain’t Got Nothin on This GreenMy ComLuv Profile

  6. regina says:
    June 17, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    i especially love you in animal print. also, nice ass!

  7. Suniverse says:
    June 17, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    I am more in love with you right now that I ever thought possible.

    LOVE YOU.

    You know what cures no cable? DVDs from the library. It’s awesome.
    Suniverse recently posted..Week in Review – Schools out for summerMy ComLuv Profile

  8. Lori Dyan says:
    June 18, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    I ditched our tv and now watch modern family and 30 rock online. Constantly.
    #hippiemomfail

    ps I think your photos now have an std
    Lori Dyan recently posted..It Was the Best Birthday Ever- Until Someone Almost DiedMy ComLuv Profile

  9. The Flying Chalupa says:
    June 20, 2011 at 12:49 am

    You look so good with Bret Michaels. All of you.

    And you got rid of cable? BRAVO! Seriously, don’t you miss Bravo?

    Love your glass half empty ramblings.

  10. susan says:
    June 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    LOVE the pic with Brett haha
    I think I need to carve out an hour each day strictly to photoshop ;)
    susan recently posted..To my husband on Father’s DayMy ComLuv Profile

  11. Alexandra says:
    June 22, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    ACK!

    This was SO GOOD.

    I want to know more now.

    I just knew it, too.

    You can always tell a girl who has the devil inside.

    (now YOU can have that song stuck in your head)
    Alexandra recently posted..Things Dont Happen By MagicMy ComLuv Profile

  12. Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him says:
    July 8, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    Great one, woman. And yes, the decision to go Mouthy was an awesome one. Get rid of cable? I’d sooner work at Dress Barn.
    Erin I’m Gonna Kill Him recently posted..When a Broad Goes AbroadMy ComLuv Profile

  13. Christa says:
    July 28, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    First time reader, first time commenter…wait, I think I might have that wrong…I stumbled on your blog and love it! The fact that you blocked that overly-optimistic FB friend made you a new cyber-friend for life — looking forward to reading more!
    Christa recently posted..Super-Couponing: Drug StoresMy ComLuv Profile

  14. Carol says:
    September 12, 2011 at 3:25 am

    Wow, you have dated some interesting characters in the past. Knowing your preference, it seems you are a very adventurous woman. I know what you mean about cable but it is great that your have found a fun and worthwhile way of keeping yourself occupied.
    Carol recently posted..How To Seduce A WomanMy ComLuv Profile

  15. Mike Stewart says:
    December 29, 2011 at 10:05 pm

    It looks like your forming a cast of actors and actresses.:)

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