ad hoc MOM

Mar3Bad Hoc Mom: A breakdown of my breakdown
Carrie

“Think of your computer as a house. And the data is in that house. But you can’t go in the house to get the data, because the house is about to come crashing down all around you.”

These words have been ringing in my ears all week since the evil Mac guy said them to me on Monday night. I mean, as my husband said, if you’re going to use a metaphor, at least stick with it. Data? In a house? Maybe he could have tried like…

“Your computer is a house and your data is your heart, which has been ripped out of your body and flushed down the toilet. You want to run in, but since you have a hole in your chest where your heart used to be, you can’t get the blood pumping through your body to walk into the house to get the heart back. And even if you did somehow get the heart back, it’s been flushed down the toilet, which is nasty.”

So, as a result of my shock and depression at aforementioned catastrophe, I have been walking around in a daze, anxiously awaiting a phone call from evil Mac guy to let me know if my heart has been fished out of the toilet bowl.

My daze has resulted in some seriously BAD parenting. I submit to you the following graphic breakdown of my breakdown:

I don’t think I have to explain why this isn’t a snazzy computer-generated graphic, do I?

Moving on.

27% of my time as a bad mom this week was spent feeding my children as if they were ducks. Tossing food at the high chair and/or toddler table from across the room. Don’t believe me? Tonya saw it with her own eyes. Toss the spiral pasta. Take a bite of the spiral pasta. Toss the spiral pasta. Take a bite of spiral pasta ad infinitum.

7% was spent leaving a giant, open tub of A&D on the floor and cleaning up the aftermath. Let’s just say my infant still smells like the stuff. As do our cutting boards.

43% was spent forgetting stuff: like forgetting to pay critical school deposit to ensure my son’s spot next year. Or bringing my son to school fully dressed. Which is usually fine. Except it was come to school in your pajamas day. Awkward.

3% of time was spent not noticing that my 9 month old was clutching a fake acrylic nail he found on the playground. It was decorative–pink, black and white argyle. So, there was that going for it.

The remaining 20% of my time was spent abandoning time outs mid-stream. I’d place my son in a time out and then I would space out. He would stand up, like 10 minutes later, look down the hall at me and ask “I’m sorry???”. He would say this with the inflection that people use when they didn’t hear someone properly…”I’m sorry??”, not the inflection of an apology that someone uses when they’ve done something wrong: “I’m sorry :( . . .” He wasn’t wrong.

So to the mac guy: “I’m sorry??????”

And to my kids: “I’m sorry :( ”

Give me a boost, would you, and vote for ad hoc MOM on Circle of Moms (just click the little thumb.) If we win, we can spread our wacky wisdom to over 400,000 readers and it will make me a better mom. Thank you!

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Filed Under: Apologies, Insanity

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11 Comments

  1. Paula says:
    March 3, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    You truly 100% have all of my sympathies because that totally sucks. However, I’m serious. That kind of sounds a lot like me EVERY DAY. With the exception of the fingernail, which is ONLY BECAUSE I’m too lazy to take my kid to the playground where she could pick up a fingernail. Seriously, be nice to yourself! You need it!
    Paula recently posted..Bad Hoc Mom- A breakdown of my breakdownMy ComLuv Profile

  2. Tonya says:
    March 3, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Oh, is it wrong to feed our children like ducks? Take a bite. Throw the other bit to the rif-raf/water fowl. If so, this might explain why my kid is a terrible eater.
    Ummm…I get why the smallest smells of A+D but, uh, I’m a little scared to ask why the cutting boards smell of A+D?? I did see him today – in all his A+D splendor – so thankfully I know he isn’t in tiny pieces or missing a limb.
    Also, perhaps the 9 mo old had a pedi? He probably took a lot of time picking out that argyle pattern fake nail. I mean, think of the concentration and aesthetic appreciation that requires! He’s super duper smart, and, most likely, angry that you took away his bling.
    Tonya recently posted..Bad Hoc Mom- A breakdown of my breakdownMy ComLuv Profile

  3. Lori Dyan says:
    March 3, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    Oh yuck – I know it can’t right Evil Mac Guy’s wrongs, but I clicked on the thumb from 3 computers…
    Lori Dyan recently posted..Sleep is the New PornMy ComLuv Profile

  4. carrie says:
    March 3, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    thanks lori! that helps, that helps!

  5. julie gardner says:
    March 3, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Okay. I am 50% laughing and 50% feeling-like-crap for laughing because that was NOT a happy breakdown for you. (ummm….not that there are happy breakdowns. Duh.)

    But this:

    “3% of time was spent not noticing that my 9 month old was clutching a fake acrylic nail he found on the playground. It was decorative–pink, black and white argyle”

    so would’ve happened to me. Except I when I got home from the playground, I’d finally realize I have a large strip of duct tape hanging from my butt.

    (This has occured. Without the acrylic nail, but still.)

    I think Mac guy will totally accept your apology. As for the kids, maybe they suck at reading graphs.

    (p.s. I love this blog.)
    julie gardner recently posted..Today call me Millay-edMy ComLuv Profile

  6. omarb says:
    March 4, 2011 at 12:04 am

    i would feel bad about the little guy sitting on that step for long, except that i leave him on that same step for like 10 times as long because i kind of just walk around and eat ham sandwiches and forget that he’s waiting for me to release him. i wonder if that’s what wardens in prisons feel like, maybe like they just forgot that they are jailing all those people and they are just thinking about other things as they walk around the jailhouse, with all of those keys.
    omarb recently posted..Bad Hoc Mom- A breakdown of my breakdownMy ComLuv Profile

  7. the mrs says:
    March 4, 2011 at 7:37 am

    I’m actually impressed, because the breakdown of your breakdown all added up to 100%. You can still do basic math! Yay! That’s usually the first thing to go for me.

    Also, you still have your wits about you (a win for your readers anyway). One more thing: I’m going to have to remember the “feeding kids like ducks” move. Sounds super efficient. And you can pretend it’s a game. “Look, kids! You’re ducks. And I’m the crazy cat lady that comes to feed you every day in my house coat.”

  8. Ula says:
    March 6, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    I know that it was not your first choice, but the handmade graphic is awesome. I feel like such a bad Mom recently as well. I keep my daughter in her pajamas till after her 12pm nap (Like a pajama day, but at home). I let her eat up the food that she has thrown to the ground from her high chair. I napped through her dinner time today (!!!). Thankfully my husband was conscious enough to feed her dinner.
    Anyway, I voted for your blog and recommended it on Facebook. Hope the Mac guy calls soon with some good news.

  9. Alexandra says:
    March 8, 2011 at 11:24 am

    well…you’re only 2 shy of 100 at circlemom.

    that makes you a good mom, right???
    Alexandra recently posted..Farewell- Green Skirt – or- The GiveAway Finale PostMy ComLuv Profile

  10. Melissa says:
    March 8, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    I forget stuff all the time. I’m convinced I have premature Alzheimers. I forgot that my child needed her US passport to enter this country. I often forget my phone number. So you are doing well, sister! Especially considering the trauma of data stuck in a half-demolished house!
    Melissa recently posted..Mexico boundMy ComLuv Profile

  11. My Trash, My Treasure « ad hoc MOM says:
    March 21, 2011 at 12:22 am

    [...] regular readers here know, I had a minor crisis a couple of weeks ago when my laptop acted like a slatternly wench and made away with all my data [...]

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