ad hoc MOM

Jan14The ad hoc MOM Work-at-Home Quick Start Guide
Carrie

I feel very lucky to be in a field where working at home is a viable option. But don’t be fooled: it’s not all fuzzy slippers and long sips of Taster’s Choice.  You’ve heard the complaints here before: interruptions, unpredictable hours (and therefore unpredictable paychecks), isolation and that nagging feeling that nobody really believes you actually work, work. You know WORK, not “work.”

If you’re thinking of making a go of setting up your office at home, don’t do it until you’ve read our Work at Home Quick Start Guide: 5 Simple Steps to a Satisfying, Self-Sufficent, Stylish, Small, Southern, Steamy, Subjective, Sedentary and Sassy Stay-at-Home Stint.

1. Get Thee a Desk
No room? No problem! Our friend Erin, who somehow knows everything about any and all merchandise sold over the worldwide interwebs, sent us this info on a bed that can turn into a desk. My only complaint is that I wish it came in a crib version. As in, it could start as a crib, convert to a toddler bed, convert to a regular size bed and then convert into a desk. I want my son’s transition into the work world to be as seamless as possible. I’d actually prefer it if he didn’t have a clear memory of when he wasn’t working. Less learnin’ more earnin’ is our family motto. At least it is now. I digress…

2. Get Thee a Logo
Take the nearest pen, apply to nearest napkin. Make yourself a logo. Congratulations–now you can blame unpopular decisions on a corporate entity outside of yourself. Better yet–order gym bags emblazoned with your logo and run out the door yelling over your shoulder to no one in particular “I’m hitting the gym, see you after lunch.” Walk to the corner, cry.

3. Get Thee a Decision Tree
My friend Kate (yes KATE. All of my friends are named Kate and they are all great. Thank you Kate!) sent me a link to a very useful decision tree called “Should I Work For Free?” and it’s a must read if you ever hope to make one red cent in this doggone town. It was done by a fabulous designer named Jessica Hische who, judging by her website, is so immensely talented that I can’t imagine who would have the chutzpah to ask her to work for free. Would you walk into say, Tiffany, splay your fingers out on the display case and tell the lady standing before you with mouth agape: “I have an incredible opportunity for you: I’m going to let you put one of those diamonds on one of these beautiful fingers. In return, I’ll tell everyone just where I got this diamond. And before you say “Thank You,” I just want to say “You’re Welcome.”

4. Get Thee a Visor
You know those green visors that old-timey accountants and grumpy dealers in border town casinos wore? Get one of those and wear it while you work. It’s helpful for your family to know when you are really working, as opposed to just Facebooking and whatnot. Also, when the UPS man comes to the door and sees you in that visor, he’ll get the picture real fast and will think twice before making you the g-d default package signer for the whole block as if you have nothing better to do than use a weird stubby fake pen to scrawl your “signature” and pretend that you and he both understand what just happened right there on that mini screen.

5. Get Thee Blinders
If wearing the green visor gives the signal you that you are WORKING, working, WORKING, wearing these horse blinders will send a clear signal: Do not try to distract me from the task at hand or I might completely lose my wits and abandon control of my limbs. Startled by your interruption, my eyes will roll and dart about to no avail. I will only see what’s in front of me and it will be frustrating as all get out, as I’m sure you can understand. From this point on, I take no responsibility for what kind of trouble my heavy, dirty hooves kick up. I told you not to interrupt me. Neigh.

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Filed Under: Life Lessons, Motherhood: The Job, Musings, Resources, Work Issues

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11 Comments

  1. Paula/adhocmom says:
    January 14, 2011 at 7:37 am

    Sheer brilliance my friend. I was so naive when I had a baby and started working from home. This is all such good advice. Case in point, it took me about twenty minutes to read this post. I had to stop to get juice, clean up an oatmeal accident and restart the backyardigans. This is lame to admit, but when I worked at an agency I talked on the phone so much I wore a headset. This is NO longer the case. . but I’ve seriously thought of digging it out as a SIGNAL. DON”T TALK TO ME WHILE I’M WEARING THIS CRAZY ASS PIECE OF EQUIPMENT ON MY HEAD (even though there is NO ONE on the other line). Maybe some 70′s era headphones would do too?

  2. Tonya says:
    January 14, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I CANNOT stop laughing!!!!!!!
    I will now be “borrowing” my son’s fruitbowl hat from IKEA to signal to all – including the UPS guy – that I am working! Nothing says ‘nose to the grindstone’ like a banana, a pear, and an orange, am I right?
    Also, a huge THANK YOU to Erin for the desk/couch. I just LOVE stuff that turns into other stuff!! And a THANK YOU to your friend Kate for the awesome decision tree!!

  3. Alex@LateEnough says:
    January 14, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    The chart is priceless.

    I need the visor, but I was born with blinders.

  4. Carrie says:
    January 14, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Well, maybe all of our readers are working in real offices or something today?? With like closed circuit cameras that monitor their website usage?? I wish THE MAN would let them comment. It’s so unfair. They should really consider working at home with visors and blinders, etc. instead of being treated like children!! sheesh.

  5. deborah l quinn says:
    January 14, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    I think a crib with a flip-down lid that becomes a desk. So that you can effectively trap the child IN the crib whilst you work. Like those apartments with the bathtub in the kitchen, where there’s a counter that comes down over the tub? And then when you run to the store b/c you’re out of wine (which you need for inspiration for logo-creation), you won’t have to worry that the kid will get out and run amok. He’s trapped!

  6. G. Keenvard says:
    January 15, 2011 at 7:08 am

    Another hilarious, yet loaded with truth, bulls-eye column – I want all the stuff – my yak hat from Tibet doesn’t seem to get through to the other inhabitant in my universe. Great idea on kids labor – it’s never too late to atart ‘em – too bad we don’t have chimneys to speak of any more – that was a great career path for boys. Love your stuff!

  7. otis says:
    January 15, 2011 at 9:30 am

    i agree very fundamentally with the visor and blinders. i think that setup allows the working mother to appear insane enough to have people steer clear of her–unless they are going to pay her for her work.

  8. Ilana says:
    January 16, 2011 at 1:29 am

    There is so much awesomeness about this post I am not sure where to begin. Although I know for sure I’m clicking on that chart to find out what to do when a friend asks you to design stuff for free. And being that I just spent all day working while my husband tried his best to keep the baby away from me, I completely understand where you are coming from. Did I mention that I don’t have a desk? My option is in the living room with the baby all over me or locked in the bedroom on the bed. You know what sucks about working on your bed? The pretzel crumbs.

  9. Anne Cole Norman says:
    January 16, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    Visor — that’s genius.

  10. Melisa/Shiny Brite says:
    January 17, 2011 at 8:21 am

    “Should I Work for Free?” — priceless.

  11. Secret Identity Interiors « ad hoc MOM says:
    January 20, 2011 at 9:33 am

    [...] away its glasses and put on the cape and its something else entirely! As Carrie pointed out in a previous post, our friend Erin recently found a couch that turns into a [...]

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