ad hoc MOM
I got off the subway today and lucky me! I was right outside the conductor’s car! I waved like crazy and smiled from ear to ear when he waved back. But here’s the thing – he wasn’t giving me the enthusiastic “oh, isn’t your kid just so cute?” kind of wave. That’s when I remembered. IDIOT. YOU ARE ALONE. And seriously? Did you just frantically wave at the subway driver like a total freak? Come to think of it, I have a pretty hard time turning all the mom business off even when I’m alone. Those opportunities that make getting through the day just a little bit easier with a kid . . . like waving to the subway driver – or getting super excited about seeing a fire truck or gasp – a NEW episode of Backyardigans have become so important that I fear I’m forgetting how to interact with normal society. But luckily a few friends were willing to assure me that I’m not alone here. Case in point:
- My husband and I were having a rare brunch together SANS child over the Christmas break. Since I had eaten approximately ten billion cookies over the holiday and was not able to button my pants, I ordered the virtuous “porridge” (I know, might as well b68 have ordered a cup of gruel). Peter kindly offered me a bite of his chicken sausage. When I said, “yeah, sure” – my husband, who will be hyper-aware of choking hazards until June is 34 proceeded to spend seven minutes pulverizing a piece of sausage into a paste for me. My porridge was suddenly much more appetizing.
- It was also around the holidays that a good friend was in the wretched position of being trapped in the house with two vomiting feverish children just when she needed to be shopping like mad. Finally free of disease, I offered to baby-sit her super adorable infant while she caught up on the gift buying. She got dressed, grabbed her purse, and proceeded to STRAP ON HER ERGO. I was like “That’s a hot look. I especially like the way it dangles down in front of you and casually swings from side to side. Really good.” Ergo removed. Fashion crisis averted.
- Another friend who I would describe as especially sophisticated has resorted to greeting people with a very borderline HELLLLOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ARE YOOOOUUUUUU?????As you would a two year old, even though she’s quite likely talking to a middle-aged publishing executive.
What’s that noise? It’s just a firetruck! No, actually, it’s the highlight of my day.
When I think about my total inability to separate my parent self from my regular self, I admit I just want to cry. I used to judge such people so severely. . . seriously, I used to want to stone them. So I apologize to those of you who can’t help but refer to themselves as “mommy.” I get it now. I see how it happens. Will you accept my apology? And please, the next time you see me jumping up and down on the 2/3 platform – please be kind. I’m not crazy – I’m just a mom, okay, maybe I am crazy, but please don’t throw anything at me.
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On a business trip in LA, I was with a large group and we were riding in a van. I can’t remember what I pointed out to the hipster ad agency crowd but it was something that only a 18-month old would care about, like a dog. Truly embarrassing.
I LOLd when I read about strapping the ERGO on. Well done.
@RookieMom – Yeah, that’s what I mean! It’s truly amazing how once you have a kid you can seriously spot a dog from like five blocks away right?
You can’t separate your mom self from your normal self: you are her. She is you. I FREQUENTLY point out tractors, front loaders and garbage trucks to adults who happen to be riding in the car with me. I get a flutter in my stomach every time I see one. Hey–anything to keep your spirits up, eh?
My son and I play the “what’s it start with game” where I point to something, like a firetruck, and he tells me the letter the word starts with, anyway, about a week ago I tried to play this same game with my husband…he was not amused….I suspect he didn’t know that ambulance started with “A”
I believe I am guilty of both telling random adults “good job!” and admonishing a fast stream of “no, no, no, no, no, no, nooo!” when they’re doing something potentially dangerous. At first, I was embarrassed. Now I accept it as a part of life.
And re: the subway driver — I actually live next door to a subway driver and I’m guessing a wave from you would TOTALLY make his day, so go for it! Without feeling silly.
I once caught myself swaying on the platform waiting for the Q, the way you would if you had a fussy baby in an ergo. Only there was no baby, no ergo and I looked like I was on thorazine.
I’ve caught myself singing to myself like a woman recently escaped from Bellevue…songs like “What am I dooooing todaaaay? Ah yes! The grocery stoooooreeee….” Making me feel EVER so sane.
My kids are now 6 & 10 and I still find myself saying “LOOK! A scoooooop!” (Which is to say, backhoe). They both look at me and sigh. Ditto FREIGHT TRAINS when we’re on a train somewhere. They’d much rather look at the IPAD.
sigh.
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Hilarious! I’ve done it too! I frequently point out any kind of road construction equipment along the road to my BFF when we’re in the car together. She always laughs and reminds me that she really doesn’t care. I’m probably the only person who looks forward to driving through a construction zone because I know how excited my 3 year old son will be! I even drive extra slow so he can get a good look (i mean, to be extra safe!) especially if they’re actually working.
Oh yes! I’ve done all of these! When I managed a staff of 6 software engineers, they all really looooooved it when I told them, “Good job!” as though they had gone pee pee on the potty all by themselves.
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I second the “swaying while alone” syndrome. No baby, no ergo, but still swaying. I can’t stop!