ad hoc MOM

Sep1What to Wear When the Girls Aren’t Invited?
Carrie

I recently found myself in dire fashion straits–I’m nursing and I had to find something to wear to my cousin’s wedding.  With visions of having to hike a dress up around my ears when it came time to feed the baby, I went on a frantic search to find a dress that would make breast feeding as discreet as possible.

I took my search online and what did I find? Dresses that were so ugly, there’s no way anybody was even going to LOOK at me, let alone notice that I was feeding my child. Oh look–here’s an option–a nurse’s uniform dyed pea green with an oversized collar! And another: a v-neck, no a boatneck, YES–a v-neck/boatneck all in one! Or how about a pajama-cum-sweatdress with a hood (in case anyone recognizes you!)? You’d like a print? How about this extremely small scale, all-over print that will emphasize your shapeless post-partum volume?

Maybe all of this eye poison is intentional? After all, we’ve heard more than enough about people who think breast feeding in public is disgusting (see Babies in Bars)! I can hear the designers’ fashion mantras in my head now: “The worst dressed, hides her breasts the best.” Or “This frumpy color and cut will make you look less like a slut.”  Or perhaps, more to the point: “Lady, you’re dead to us now. You are not on our fashion demographic radar.  I could care less what you wear to your cousin’s wedding. There’s nothing to see here.  Move along, move along.”

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5 Comments

  1. Tonya says:
    September 1, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    So right! You think having a child (weight gain, stretch marks, pushing something enormous out of a tiny little hole) can make you feel so very unattractive but then you go shopping for a little “pick me up” and you feel worse. It’s like “Oh you just had a baby? Here’s Mrs. Roper’s Mumu.” Ugh!

  2. Jess says:
    September 3, 2010 at 12:42 am

    YES! clothes that work for nursing are too clingy in the wrong places (i.e. pretty much anywhere but my boobs) and/or mumu-esque, so somehow I manage to feel frumpy and slutty at the same time: quite an accomplishment!

  3. jilly says:
    September 3, 2010 at 4:08 am

    I have a long purple knit dress with flounces at the bottom that the store owner actually told me “looked pretty” and I BELIEVED her until I caught a glimpse of myself looking like the grape ape at a dinner party and wanted to cry. Oh, and I had gold shoes, also per the advice of evil shopkeeper. The humiliation, good lord.

  4. Paula/adhocmom says:
    September 6, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Mrs. Roper did know how to work a strand of beads. . but yeah, that’s really not the look you want before you’re 75. I think you should have defied convention and showed up in a skirt and a tube top. Easy access!

  5. Hannah says:
    September 14, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    Eye poison is right. For me, separates always seemed like the only way to go. What are these “dresses.”? The only problem is do you pull your shirt up or down? The imagery of flesh spilling out from all directions is making me sweaty and dizzy just thinking about it. “Waiter!”

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